Debra Dockter Horror and YA Author

Okay! Okay! We’d all rather find a literary agent in ten days (or even get a response from one), but the reality is, there are lots and lots of posts and blogs and videos giving great advice on how to find and, hopefully, sign with a great agent. But what happens if you find your literary soulmate and things just don’t quite work out?

Just like dating, finding an agent that’s the right fit, isn’t as easy as swiping left or right. There’s lots of research–manuscript wishlists to study. Bios to read that might lead you to thinking that this particular agent has a special passion for whatever it is you write, be it cozy, small-town murder mysteries that will, inevitably, involve someone eating pie, or erotic thrillers where no one suspects the hardened detective who always reeks of whiskey and cigars wears his girlfriend’s underwear beneath his faded gray suits. The thing is, any writer who has ever sought representation from an agent, knows that its tough, so once you’ve researched and queried and, of course, written a great book, you don’t want to mess up the relationship you worked so hard to find.

Just like romantic relationships, sometimes a break up is unavoidable. There are lots of reasons literary agents and the authors they represent, decide to go their separate ways. An agent might leave the agency. They might become diabetic and decide reading books with such high pie consumption isn’t helping them kick their own pie habit (sugar-free pie is not the same!) There may be differences of vision for a certain project. You may change the genre you write to one the agent doesn’t represent (as is what happened in my case). It may come down to differences in communication styles. Some authors like more hands on agents, some don’t. Some like a strong editorial partner, some might not. Like most relationships, its best when both parties agree that things aren’t working out.

Sometimes issues can be addressed and fixed. Yeah! No breakup needed. Some can’t. What you want to avoid, is the heartbreak of a deteriorating relationship. How can this happen, you ask?

DON’T BLOW YOUR NOSE IN FRONT OF YOUR AGENT!

Sure, many of us rarely, if ever, meet our agents. The closest we might get is a zoom call or lunch during a conference or drinks after. But if we go back to thinking about dating, how many of us would blow our noses–like full force, moose-call nose blowing–in front of our perspective significant other?

None! (At least not for a significant amount of time!)

Most of us try to put our best foot forward. We try to help that potential mate envision a life with us. One that doesn’t include being startled in the middle of the night by the foghorn sound of my spring allergies!

We try to present ourselves in the best light. Hopefully, this continues throughout our relationships. One should never underestimate the value of someone opening a door or giving a heartfelt compliment or popping a Gas-X after eating a spicy meal.

Think about all that hard work we put into finding the right agent. We put our best feet forward by doing our research, by not using a generic “Dear Sir or Miss or To Whom it May Concern–that last one might as well be For Whom the Bell Tolls!”

We polish our pitches, read and reread and reread our queries (and there will still be a typo in there! Curse the query Gods!) We use beta readers and editors to make certain our openings and endings and everything in between in our manuscripts are worthy of the time of these agents who would have to employ cranes to get out from under the number of submissions they receive if they were all still sent via snailmail!

We work hard to match the hard work we hope they will put in to find homes for our beloved characters. But the hard work and mutual respect and admiration can’t stop with that first book deal. Yes, that is obvious! We all know that! Why, you may be asking yourself, did I waste my precious writing time reading this drivel?

I’ll call it the spaghetti curse. You’ve written and sold and seen your precious book-and it is precious!-on the shelves of bookstores. That high is not unlike putting a quarter into a slot machine and hearing the bells ding as coins clink against that metal tray! We want to feel it again. We NEED to feel it again. The publisher is waiting to read that possible second option book. You have ideas, lots of ideas, but which one should you go with? What book is the right second book? There was no pressure with the first. No deadlines in getting that first or final draft done. Your agents asks what you’re working on. This is when the spaghetti curse creeps in like a virus on your laptop. It whispers to you while your type, whispers to you in your sleep. It tickles your insecurities and wipes away your standards and professional like that cursed tissue wiping the remnants of spring allergies from your nostrils!

It’s the, I’ve been working on this, and this and this, curse. The throw everything at the wall (or your agent) and hope something sticks, curse.

It is absolutely fine to work closely (as one would hope to) with your present or future agent. They may give your plot the direction it was needing, or help us to flesh out that character we’ve been struggling with. But just as we wouldn’t send a potential query before its polished and ready, be weary of sending anything to your agent, without giving it the same due diligence. If your agent wants to see the opening chapters of the book you’re working on, polish it. Let it simmer on the stove. Let it ruminate in your mind and on the page until ‘you’ feel it is ready to share. Don’t feel rushed. Believe me, your agent isn’t sitting at their desk twiddling their thumbs because they have nothing to do. They would much rather read something worthy of their time than something we’re hoping is worthy.

Okay. Many of you, maybe most of you, would never fall for the spaghetti curse. I, sadly, have many stained shirts in my closet from thrown spaghetti. Did this ultimately end my relationship with my agent? I am glad to say, no. Did she suffer at least one mild concussion from her head hitting her desk in frustration because I sent things that weren’t ready–perhaps.

The point is, all relationships require mutual respect. That respect is best shown through a level of professionalism on our part, as writers, that never wanes. Don’t take your agent for granted. Always put your best foot, and best work, forward.

Again, sometimes parting ways is what needs to happen, for a variety of reasons, but we don’t want a lose of respect to ever be one of them. I am very happy to let people learn from my mistakes. Learning is what mistakes are all about! We don’t ever want to lose an agent in ten days or ten years, for reasons for reasons of unprofessionalism on our part.

So, with that, happy writing! Happy querying! Happy relationships!

And as always, hugs!